Right Person to Handle Your Final Wishes

I have two daughters and spent a lot of time with them when they were younger. Almost every morning, I hugged them and said “Good morning, Beautiful!” I drove them to daycare before heading to work.  Later, I was their Girl Scout troop leader, PTA president, and the parent who often chauffeured them and their friends home after cheerleading/soccer/track practice and competitions.

When my children were young, their father and I controlled most aspects of their lives -- where they lived, what they ate, what they wore, when they went to bed, who they played with, who took care of them. Gradually, they made more of those decisions on their own. Now that they are adults living independently on their own, I have NO control over their day-to-day lives.

Although I haven’t agreed with all of their choices (“What? You’re quitting your job and moving to another state without having a new job there?”) I began to understand that their lives are not copies of mine – and shouldn’t be. I’ve always known that my children are very different from me and from each other.

Planning for the future

Planning for the end of my own life, I basically followed my mother’s model. My mother lived in the same state and county that I do. Her will named me as executrix of her estate, presumably because I was the older of her two children. I did the same with my will, which I composed by basically transcribing my mother’s will and changing the names. My mother was widowed and had two grown daughters; I’m divorced with two grown daughters. Her will stated that all of her assets would be equally divided between her children; mine says the same.  

If you don't have an estate plan, the laws of the state you live in may determine who inherits your property. Is that what you want?

That is not true of everyone. Your situation may be more complicated. You may be unmarried and have no children. Maybe you own a business, or have a blended family, or own assets in multiple states or in another country. Even if your situation is simple, your end-of-life planning may also include such items as: 

• Advanced healthcare directive / living will

• Healthcare power of attorney

• Financial durable power of attorney

• Trust

To learn more about these vehicles and the differences between them, you can do a state-specific online search for information, such as “wills in Maryland” or “advance directives in Georgia.” Or visit a website like Martindale Hubbell to find attorneys near you who specialize in estate planning, wills and trusts.

If you don't have an estate plan, the laws of the state you live in may determine who inherits your property and handles your estate. Is that what you want?

Factors to Consider

Think about who has the time, temperament, willingness, and patience to best manager your estate. That might not be your eldest adult child or the one who lives nearest. If you don’t have children, the best person might be a friend, cousin or other relative.

If you hired and estate planning attorney to write your will or trust, that person can be paid to execute the plan instead of asking a loved one to fulfill that role. You might prefer to select such a third party if you feel that none of your friends and relatives should handle the job or would do it well.

A tool like Time to Remember’s "Who Should Manage the Estate" worksheet helps you decide who should play lead roles in handling your estate plan. This downloadable worksheet has columns for the names of relatives or other potential executors, or “Successors.” It also has questions to consider when selecting a Successor, and checkboxes to note which candidates fulfill each criteria. There is even space on the form to add specific criteria that apply to your situation.

I want my children to know me well enough to handle my end-of-life preferences and my estate the way I want. A good way to ensure that happens is to organize as much as possible in advance, then tell them what I’ve done, why I’ve done it that way, and where I’ve stored the information and documents they will need.

The person you select to handle your estate plan can play a huge role in helping to organize this information, using worksheets from Time to Remember or your own information-gathering strategy.

Whatever you decide feels right for you and for your family, make sure your loved ones are prepared to carry out your wishes and handle your affairs with confidence and clarity. The "Who Should Manage the Estate" worksheet makes it easy to get started.

Worksheet: Who Will Manage the Estate?

Time to get your worksheet!