Choose the Right Person to Carry Out Your Final Wishes

I have two daughters and spent a lot of time with them when they were younger. Almost every morning, I hugged them and said “Good morning, Beautiful!” I drove them to daycare before heading to work.  Later, I was their Girl Scout troop leader, PTA president, and the parent who often chauffeured them and their friends home after cheerleading/soccer/track practice and competitions.

When my children were young, their father and I controlled most aspects of their lives -- where they lived, what they ate, what they wore, when they went to bed, who they played with, who took care of them. Gradually, they made more of those decisions on their own. Now that they are adults living independently on their own, I have NO control over their day-to-day lives.

Although I haven’t agreed with all of their choices (“What? You’re quitting your job and moving to another state without having a new job there?”) I began to understand that their lives are not copies of mine – and shouldn’t be. I’ve always known that my children are very different from me and from each other.

Planning for the future

Planning for the end of my own life, I basically followed my mother’s model. My mother lived in the same state and county that I do. Her will named me as executrix of her estate, presumably because I was the older of her two children. I did the same with my will, which I composed by basically transcribing my mother’s will and changing the names. My mother was widowed and had two grown daughters; I’m divorced with two grown daughters. Her will stated that all of her assets would be equally divided between her children; mine says the same.  

That is not true of everyone. Your situation may be more complicated. Maybe you are unmarried and have no children. Maybe you own a business, or have a blended family, or own assets in multiple states or in another country. Even if your situation is simple, your end-of-life planning may also include such items as: 

• Advanced healthcare directive / living will: outlines medical treatments a person does and doesn't want to accept at the end of their life. It is used if the person is unable to express their wishes when the need arises.

• Healthcare power of attorney: designates a person to confer with doctors and  make healthcare decisions for someone who cannot make them on their own. 

• Financial durable power of attorney: designates someone to make financial decisions for someone unable to do so.  For example, making sure the rent or mortgage, car note and other bills get paid.

• Trust: holds assets that will be transferred upon death to whoever is specified.  A trust may be more complicated and expensive to set up than a will but offers more privacy, flexibility and financial protection than a will and makes transferring assets easier if you own assets in more than one state.

To learn more about these vehicles and the differences between them, do a state-specific online search for information, such as “wills in Maryland” or “advance directives in Georgia.” Or contact attorneys who specialize in wills and trusts.

Note that if you choose not to have an estate plan, the laws of the state in which you live may determine who inherits your property and handles your estate.

Factors to Consider

As you think about who might best manage your estate, consider who has the time, temperament, willingness, and patience to do it well. That might not be your eldest adult child or the one who lives nearest. If you don’t have children, the best person might be a friend, cousin or other relative.

If you have a will or trust written with the help of an estate planning attorney, that attorney can be paid to execute the plan instead of asking a loved one to fulfill that role. You might prefer to select such a third party if you feel that none of your friends and relatives should handle the job or would do it well.

A tool like Time to Remember’s Who Should Manage the Estate worksheet helps you decide who should play lead roles in executing your estate plan. This downloadable worksheet has columns in which to write the names of relatives or other potential executors, or “Successors” as that company calls them. It also has questions to consider when selecting a Successor, and checkboxes to note which candidates fulfill each criteria. There is even space on the form to add specific questions that apply to your situation.

I want my children to know me well enough to handle my end-of-life preferences and my estate the way I want. A good way to ensure that happens is to organize as much as possible in advance, then tell them what I’ve done, why I’ve done it that way, and where I’ve stored the information and documents they will need. The person you select to handle your estate plan can play a huge role in helping to organize this information, using worksheets from Time2Remember or your own information-gathering strategy.

Whatever you decide feels right for you and for your family, make sure your loved ones are prepared to carry out your wishes and handle your affairs with confidence and clarity.