Make Your Wishes Known
My life is fairly simple, and I like it that way. I’m the divorced mother of two grown children and I have a simple will that says
my house, life insurance and everything else will be split between them. I know life isn’t that simple for everyone. Maybe you’re single and have no children. Maybe you’ve built a business, or have a blended family, or own land in another state or country. Make sure whatever you’ve worked hard to build is looked after properly once you pass away.
Make sure whatever you’ve worked hard to build is looked after properly once you pass away.
There’s a story about a man I’ll call Elijah. When Elijah died tragically in a car accident 15 years ago, he didn’t have a will. His grieving widow, Cynthia, inherited everything he had owned, including land 100 miles away that had been in his family for generations. Soon afterward, their four grown children persuaded Cynthia to write a will. Her will was very specific. She wanted Elijah's land to go to the child she trusted to keep it in the family rather than sell it. She left the house she lived in to her child with special needs, to make sure he would always have a home. The other two children would share her life insurance policy. Cynthia sat them all down to explain her decisions and let them know she had selected Marita, her second eldest child and the one getting the land, to be the executor of the will.
Cynthia put all of this in place a few months after Elijah’s death. Within a year she, too, passed away. Because she had told everyone her preferences and spelled them out in a will, the children were better able to focus on lovingly remembering their mother instead of arguing about who would inherit what. Although a couple of the siblings were resentful about the land, they understood their mother’s decision to give it to Marita.
Marita and her husband, Joe, have a situation that’s a bit more complicated. It’s the second marriage for both, and they each have kids and grandkids from their earlier marriages. Marita and Joe set up a trust, which will keep their financial information more private than a will would. It also makes it easier, when the time comes, for their loved ones to gain ownership of property they own in various states.
Their trust makes their wishes crystal clear. The land Marita got from her parents will stay with her bloodline. When her kids pass away, that land will go back to the trust for their children, not to their spouses. The trust also specifies who will inherit the house Marita and Joe live in, and says that an out-of-state vacation home Joe bought before marrying Marita will go to his own biological children. Marita and Joe have explained the trust to their children and let them know how to access it.
Attorneys specializing in estate planning can design a strategy that specifically suits your family’s situation. I spoke with an accomplished estate attorney in my home state of Maryland, Paulette Lundy, who explained the features and benefits of wills and trusts and advised me on the approach that would be best for me and my family. If you live outside of Maryland, she can put you in touch with a member of her nationwide network of estate attorneys.
I marvelled at how much thought and care Marita and Joe put into their decisions. They have crafted a plan that ensures their loved ones will be provided for and that honors Cynthia’s early dream for her family.
Having a clear plan in place can be a tremendous gift and make a painful time a bit easier.
You can have that same peace of mind. By taking care of these things now, you’ll feel the sense of relief that comes from giving your family clarity about your final wishes. They won’t have to guess or debate about what you want, during a time when they are heartbroken and grieving. Having a clear plan in place can be a tremendous gift to them and make a painful time a bit easier.
You can hire an estate attorney to craft your plans. You can also use Time to Remember worksheets to get organized. These are simple forms to download and fill out on your computer. Whether you want to list who gets which belongings, or decide who should handle the paperwork, or let loved ones know who to contact when you are sick or after you pass away, Time to Remember worksheets make it easy to get started.
You already know that you should make these decisions – and document them – while you still can. Do it now, for your sake and for the sake of those you love.
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